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Dec. 28th, 2006 12:54 amWhat am I going to do?
I have fallen into a relationship with a paranoid schizophrenic who sometimes thinks I am his ex girlfriend, who can't remember anything I tell him about myself (including, frequently, my name), who mistook my friend's sister for a "cop," me for a "hooker" (that was a funny one), thinks the traffic is talking to him, the birds irritating him with their chatter, his flat littered with hidden cameras and bugs. Phew. Two weeks and I am exhausted, shattered, needing constant sleep and growing darker lines upon my brow.
I am in love but beset with anxiety. I am worried it is a physical passion only, though only is a silly word as physical passion whew he is amazing. But I can't cope with the pain and suffering and fear and confusion of his condition. It is too huge and too frightening.
And I am getting really tired of hearing all about his ex girlfriend over and over again. I keep crying imagining what she went through.
On the other hand he is immensely sweet and caring and funny and kind.
But I know it is wrong to let it continue because I should be responsible and grown up because I am relatively sane, in that I don't hear voices and mistake people for other people.
But I keep telling him it is no good and I don't want a relationship but he won't listen. And he is so devoted. And so so sexy.
Oh dear. Ok looks like I'll have to be grown up and responsible and do something about this. Stop being in love somehow. Flee the country. Become a squirrel.
I have fallen into a relationship with a paranoid schizophrenic who sometimes thinks I am his ex girlfriend, who can't remember anything I tell him about myself (including, frequently, my name), who mistook my friend's sister for a "cop," me for a "hooker" (that was a funny one), thinks the traffic is talking to him, the birds irritating him with their chatter, his flat littered with hidden cameras and bugs. Phew. Two weeks and I am exhausted, shattered, needing constant sleep and growing darker lines upon my brow.
I am in love but beset with anxiety. I am worried it is a physical passion only, though only is a silly word as physical passion whew he is amazing. But I can't cope with the pain and suffering and fear and confusion of his condition. It is too huge and too frightening.
And I am getting really tired of hearing all about his ex girlfriend over and over again. I keep crying imagining what she went through.
On the other hand he is immensely sweet and caring and funny and kind.
But I know it is wrong to let it continue because I should be responsible and grown up because I am relatively sane, in that I don't hear voices and mistake people for other people.
But I keep telling him it is no good and I don't want a relationship but he won't listen. And he is so devoted. And so so sexy.
Oh dear. Ok looks like I'll have to be grown up and responsible and do something about this. Stop being in love somehow. Flee the country. Become a squirrel.
